How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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