I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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