I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
