Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
