Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
