When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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