Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
