I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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