Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
