i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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