Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
