Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
