i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize