Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
