good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
