So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
