i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
