It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
