I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
