she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
