with your own penis?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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