Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
