Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
