worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
