I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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