I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
worst night to have a conscience
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
