he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
