Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
