I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
