and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
