those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just high enough for therapy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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