Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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