My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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