He is an equal opportunity slut.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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