I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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