I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
