Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
