Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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