the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
