We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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