I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
