I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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