tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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