he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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