Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
