Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
