it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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