Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
