you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
