he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
