beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
