Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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