I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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