People with herpes should wear stickers.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
