I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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