i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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