I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
