My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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