This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
