it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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