Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
