I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Boobs are out for the taking
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
