I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
