I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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