I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
