Welp...herpes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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