i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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