Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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