my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The beer is more important than you right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
