Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
