i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
