Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
