If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
